Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
