go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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