Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
