So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
