I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
