my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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