As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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