Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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