Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
