hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
