3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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