i don't like sucking hair
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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