i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
