He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
