We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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