I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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