I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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