Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
