I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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