I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they need to just BURY HIM!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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