New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
