anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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