My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
