Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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