How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
