I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
