I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
