I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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