she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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