i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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