apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
