OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
