Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
