We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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