Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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