Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
