I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
