My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
