I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What drink are we having for lunch?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
