OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
