Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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