Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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