isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
