Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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