I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
