And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
