did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize