im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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