The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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