I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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