I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
