I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
