Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
