when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
