u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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