Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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