okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
