nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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