just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
