pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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