she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
